Heartland Family Productions
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Dead Already
By Jane Phinney
Sometimes life can feel like an express train. It’s going too fast to get off but, at the same time, you’re hanging on for dear life so that you don’t fall off! The enormity of responsibilities you carry, coupled with task volume, can leave you in a state of paralysis or what I like to call “brain cloud”. Things just don’t seem to flow. You work all the time and can’t get caught up. And you’ve traded in spiritual vision for a lesser fulfilling earthly focus. The busyness of the past 2 months had left me soul-weary at times. That heavy-laden feeling is an indicator I’m off track a bit and I need a good “kick in the pants” from the Lord.
I was engrossed in one of the daily lessons of the Bible study I’m facilitating on Wednesday nights. That’s when I got clobbered! The short paragraph arrested my soul in such a way that I felt like the author had been reading my mail. In truth, the AUTHOR was reading my mail and sending a clear message to get my mind stayed on Christ….again. You would think that at my age and with all the opportunities God has given me to practice, I wouldn’t keep going back to an emotional pit under pressure. But,no. The older I get, the more I have embraced the truth that without the gracious love & faithfulness of my heavenly Father, expressed through the sacrificial death of Christ and the gift of His indwelling Holy Spirit, my total existence would move from that seemingly fast moving train-- to a total, inconsolable train wreck! Oh how I desperately need the moment by moment grace of God to function at all.
Ok, back to my “ah-ha” moment. It’s on page 94 of my workbook, now boxed in, starred twice and earmarked “discuss” in capital letters. I have been digesting this insight for 4 weeks and still haven’t embraced the half of it. Putting the puzzle pieces of my life in place takes Divine help. I believe that’s called sanctification and it is a process. And God’s timing usually isn’t the same as mine. In this case, His timing was PERFECT and these words were exactly what I needed to jumpstart His hope in my soul again. I read,
“Sometimes we fear that fighting for what is right will kill us. Then again, it occurs to us that to stand by and do nothing out of self-preservation is to be dead already.” ( Esther ; Lifeway Press, pg 94)
This is referencing our individual spiritual condition ( i.e. faith lived out) as opposed to our position in Christ which is fully and eternally secure (Eph 2:4-7).
“Sometimes we fear that fighting for what is right will kill us. Then again, it occurs to us that to stand by and do nothing out of self-preservation is to be dead already.” ( Esther ; Lifeway Press, pg 94)
This is referencing our individual spiritual condition ( i.e. faith lived out) as opposed to our position in Christ which is fully and eternally secure (Eph 2:4-7).
The past 15 months have brought some startling revelations. After 30 years of city living, we traded what was comfortably familiar for a new normal in a small Kansas town of 2500. A lot of “noise” has been removed from our lives, literally and spiritually. The simplicity has allowed deeper reflection on a regular basis, even though we are still busy. (I don’t know if that makes sense to you. Hopefully, you’re tracking with me.) I’ve lived 2/3 of my life and seeing how little time I have left, on earth, is sobering. I found myself asking the Lord, “What difference have I made for eternity? Does anybody give a hoot? Does anyone truly understand why we do what we do? Has the sacrifice of time & energy in ministry brought You glory, Lord? Because I’m tired. ” You can see why my self-absorbed mindset needed a Word of truth to pierce my brewing emotions. As a believer in Jesus Christ, standing for Truth in a culture that goes against almost everything near and dear to my soul & convictions, can get very hard. But to stop persevering and take the route of least resistance to protect myself from rejection & hurt, truly would be living DEAD ALREADY—in my soul.
I thank God that in His providence, He had me in His Word, and this particular study, just when I needed a good dose of His hope that doesn’t disappoint (Rom.5:5). I am thankful that the frailty of my humanness drives me to seek His presence in the wee hours before sunrise, so I can see His Son rise in my life. Intimacy with the Lord through the Word and prayer is a soothing balm to my soul. My time with Him exhorts, comforts, and gives me courage to keep fighting the good fight of faith (2 Tim.4:7-8). He is faithful to rescue me from myself. He reminds me that my responsibilities and tasks and trials (momentary light affliction) can indeed produce “eternal weight of glory” when yielded to His purposes. This only happens when I am choosing to focus on the unseen and the eternal (2 Cor. 4:17-18).
Now, more than ever, followers of Christ need each other. I hope and pray that His unfailing love, amazing grace, and new daily mercies will strengthen and protect your heart today.